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2013

6.30.2013
The First Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, JK, JS, CK,KK, KM, ?, ?
Expedition Notes:
First float of the society.
JS injures back in a courageous beer pose.

7.20.2013
Tube: Part 2, Revenge of the Beer Barge
Oxbow Regional Park (RM 13) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: JK, VK, NH, MP, AP, CK, SL, SW, M,
Expedition Notes:
An endurance feat of over eight hours.
Some team members incapacitated.
M. lost
Liche’s hand discovered.
The river of puke occurred.
Noone shall be held accountable for their actions on this float.
Offerings made to the river gods include: AP’s hat, NH’s shirt.

8.4.2013
The Third Float: The Tire Float
Oxbow Regional Park (RM 13 ) to Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6)
Team: SL, ML, CK, KK, JK, VK
JK rolls tire down a hill
Rope swing discovered

8.10.2013
The Continental Luxury Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, SL, RP, AP, MP
Expedition Notes:
JK and ML shore crew

8.15.2013
The Hooky Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, SL, NH, CK, JS
Expedition Notes:
SL imbibes in smoke offering on Frog Rock.
K’s head found
Rain during float was beautiful

?
Sam Turtle Shore Crew

Team: VK, JK, JS, SL,
Expedition Notes:

JS and SL roll down the hill.

8.18.2013
Tippy Canoe Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, JS, SL, ML
Expedition Notes:
Team ended at The Tippy Canoe
JK shore crew

The Great Burn Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, AK, AF, RP
Expedition Notes:
JK shore crew
AK incurs serious burns from expedition.

Sam & Mina Float
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: SL, ML
Expedition Notes:
SL inadvertently horrified crawdad
Beautiful float by house with no one on river to Claire De Lune

9.8.2013
Moulton Falls: Football Friends Kick Off
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team: VK, JK, SL, ML
Expedition Notes:
Football friends kick off swim.
Seahawks won later that day.

9.14.2014
Charles in Charge
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team: JK, VK, SL, ML, CK, JS, EW
Expedition Notes:
Dagoth tried to take aerobi, Charles retrieved
Team jumped off Mammoth rock
SL, VK did amazing back flips
Charles in Charge jumps off bridge!

Sam, Mina, Justin, Emily Float
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: ML, SL, JS, EW
Expedition Notes:

JS and SL connecting on first ever key locked in car mini game
Cold float due to shade
Mini game won when introvert transformed to extrovert and called triple A with help of old Harley dude

Hummus Float
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: CK, JS, ML, SL
Expedition Notes:

CK did first ever diving with open beer contest
King’s Harvest founder bequeathed us a Hummus due to CK’s shouting
JS and SL wore river paint and acted crassly
Lots of diving off shelf

Tail Bone Float/ Shore Crew

Team: VK, JS, JK,, ML, SL
Expedition Notes:
First ever tail bone float down shallow rapids, warned by Log jam lady that it would be shallow.

2014

5.24.14 – 5.26.14

Camp Oopy Doopy Discovery
Camp Oopy Doopy, Tillamook State Forest
45.638125, -123.552828

Team: K&K&K&K & SLx2
Expedition Notes:
Team stopped for BJ’s in Forest Grove.
Hope was almost lost finding a site in the Tillamook forest, but team persevered against all odds, finally reaching the promised land.
VK & JK visited local forestry center to relay directions to the rest of the team.
SL & ML day visitors, “Sap Ass” officially coined.
Many oopy doopys visited camp and supped on marshmallows.
On the second night, team encounters torrential rain.
VK & JK wake to a freezing lake in their tent at midnight.
Tarping procedures were unrefined.
Breakfast on Monday morning at a local logger’s restaurant in the woods.

6.8.2014
First Shore Crew of the Year
Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: K&K&K&K
Expedition Notes:
Water too cold to swim much

7.7.2014
Sittin’ River
Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, JK, ML, JS
Expedition Notes:
Chairs arranged in the river.
Diving for M&M’s

7.19.2014
The Goat Float: Never Let Go (First of it’s Name)
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: JS, VK, JK, CV, KK, NH, SLx2 , AP, MP

Expedition Notes:
First float of 2014 season.
First annual river race, CV v.s. VK. CV winner by 1 second.
Two dogs spotted on the float.
River Rats named Watchers on The Wall
VK lost flip flops to the river gods.
Team successfully avoided the cesspool.
CV stung by one of Dagoth’s lower tier servants.

7.27.2014
The Dougan Dunk
Dougan Falls, Washougal River, WA
45.67263 N   -122.15262 W

Team: JS, VK, CV, KK , AP, MP, MB

Expedition Notes:
Team traveled by caravan to the incredible natural area.
Locals require $11.50 cash offering to swim, calling it a “discovery pass”
Water temperature very low.
Two team members injured by Dagoth’s tentacles.
Many of Dagoth’s lower minion biting flies present.
Team traveled via rafts down the lower rapids.
First annual game of “Diving for Dagoth’s Pearls” introduced. CV + JS tied for win, VK in second. MB appointed official announcer of games.
One frisbee lost to the River Gods.
Team plans to explore other sites on the Washougal river post haste.
Side note from K residence later: Death, death, death, death, death.

8.2.2014
The Log Jam
Lower Oneonta Falls, The Gorge, Oregon
45.5896° N, 122.0754° W

Team: JS, VK, JK, SLx2

Expedition Notes:
VK & JK waylaid
JS narrowly avoids injury in log jam crash
Team notes depths of 50+ feet and extremely low water temperature
Force of waterfall is incredible
Team members scale rocks and explore behind the falls

The Dan Float
Team: DP, SL, JS, ML

Expedition Notes:
SL ate melted Snickers bar he found on the ground.

Keith Sister Swim
Clackamas River: Carver

Team: VK, AK
Expedition Notes:
VK nearly lost her shit after they turned us away at Barton.

8.22.2014-8.24.2014
First Annual Ocean Rat Surfing Competition and Kubb Invitational
Tierra Del Mar, Oregon
45.252765, -123.967369

Full Team: KK, CK, SL, ML, NH, VK, JK, JS
Surfing Team: VK, SL, CK, JS
Kubb teams: Newport vs. NonNewport, Dagoth vs. Catholicism, Bad Penis, Knoxi vs NonKnoxi

Expedition Notes:
First annual games held in honor of CK & KK first anniversary
Longest Kubb game in known history recorded. Knoxi crowned winners
First ever Ocean Rat trials and surfing competition held
Camp Blood successfully introduced and refined
Sand and Hole dogs discovered at games
KK loses voice during Balderdash finals
Other events at invitational: Left hand football, 500, Name Game Hot Potata, Bullshit
Eight way beats last year’s record of seven.
Fun side note: no one puked!

8.29.2014
Hooky Float 2: Swept Out to Sea: Tranquility: I can’t believe We Floated from Oxbow to Lewis and Clark: It’s Fall Now
Oxbow Regional Park (RM 13 ) to Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6)

Team: VK, SL, ML, JS
Expedition Notes:
Team nearly incurs frost bite from cold waters
SL loses shoes, JS & VK retrieve and JS hides them
Blue heron, ducks, deer, horses (with ape riders), and geese sighted.
Apes successfully avoided again.
Seasons change from summer to fall during the length of the float.

10.18.14-10.19.14

Camp Oopy Doopy Redux
Camp Oopy Doopy, Tillamook State Forest
45.638125, -123.552828

Team: VK, JK, CK, KK, JS

Expedition Notes:
First encounter: impatient red neck in red pickup.
Pit stop in Forest Grove for morning BJs.
Game “Post Mortem” created and play-tested.
Team implements the best tarping that history has ever witnessed!
No rain!
Three oopy doopies found in the nick of time.
World renowned wood sculptor KK produces a breathtaking abstract piece.
First public performance of “The Culvert” by CV receives rave reviews.
Limited injuries include: VK cut herself with knife twice, trying to start a fire the ‘old fashioned way’ and CK burned on skillet.

Important Quotes:

“I’ll be your huckleberry.”

“Let’s get this party started!”

“Gimme all you got!”

“I need a good hard fax.”

2015

7.5.2015
Moulton Falls: PM Edition
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team: VK, JK, JS
Expedition Notes:
First swim of the year, at the latest hour yet.

7.12.2015
Three Gorge Eagles
Lower Oneonta Falls, The Gorge, Oregon
45.5896° N, 122.0754° W

Team: JS, VK, JK, TR (special guest)

Expedition Notes:
Rude man at the gas station
At least three bald eagles spotted in a nest on the way to the falls.
Lost fish found.
VK and JS did well considering foot injuries.
JS dove into waterfall.
The males of our group out-climbed and were the envy of others watching.
Pistachios are a good after-swim snack.

7.19.2015
The “Getting to Know You” Swim
Dougan Falls, Washougal River, WA
45.67263 N   -122.15262 W

Team: JS, VK, JK, RK (special guest)

Expedition Notes:
“Burgerville was a great breakfast!” – RK
JS encounters a woman he saw nude the night before.
JK & JS play “chicken”
JK and RK’s first time to Dougan.
VK gets bitten by one of Dagoth’s lower minion flies on arm.
JK eats a cherry for the first time.
New drink invented, “Cherry Bush.” Discretion is advised saying drink name in public.
JK dives!
Group special moves: RK: Corkscrew, JK: Jukey Roll, JS: Frog Kick Dive, VK: Olympic No Splash Dive.
VK wins swimming underwater distance trial.
JS displays his bum to the group.
JS uses JK’s junk as a hand hold.
Entire group has success cliff jumping.
VK jumps off a cliff and then scares everyone by swimming away before coming up for air.
Expedition takes the team behind two waterfalls.
Shoes are a good thing at Dougan.
JS dives into water and splashes lady, says “Sorry.”  Lady rudely replies, “I bet you are.” then RK replies, “He’s not really.”
JS saves a little girl’s life who was careening down the falls uncontrollably. Her fall is broken by JS’s neck.
JS jumps over RK off a bridge.
Upon further review, maybe pistachio shells should have gone in the trash.
During dry off period, JS sees river boobs.
RK’s iPhone screen sacrificed to the river gods on last step of the swim.
Aside from scratches, bruises and general wearyness, sunburns remain the biggest unanswered question.
Group is able to crash a family dinner consisting of KK, CK and AK later at Peter’s. We forced them to come inside and play Simpson’s guessing game.
P.S. Cashier was the best character given. Way to break the mold, KK.

8.29.2015 – 8.30.2015
It Rained On Our Parade Camp Trip
Green Canyon Campground, Mt Hood National Forest, Oregon
45.283° N, 121.942° W

Team: VK, JK, CK, KK, AK (her first kamparoo)

Expedition Notes:
A little silver mouse who came to visit us to say hi to the littlest camper.
Creepy camp residents were trying to check out our shit.
Beautiful full moon
Instead of repelling water, our tarps started collecting water.
Rained out on day two
An epic day of playing Forbidden Desert at the K residence later.

2016

4.27.2015 – 4.29.2015
The Brand New Camp
Panther Creek, Gifford Pinchot Forest, Washington
45.843018, -121.860590 (approx)

Team: VK, JK, CK, KK, AK

Expedition Notes:
Edgar Winter soothsayer
Bridge Gods required one dollar in sacrifice. You will be arrested and your car pushed off the bridge if you don’t pay!
Gobbler’s Knob
The K family successfully scouted a spot early, next to Panther Creek.
Panthers, cougars, mountain lions, and pumas are all the same animal.
J whittles a beautiful loon. V&K aren’t as successful with their spoons.
Bath time baby tidal wave.
New game created: called “Git!”  Throw a log into the river, and then throw rocks at it until it is out of sight.
Other games of note: Post Mortem, Grandma’s Attic, Last Man Stanton.
In Grandma’s attic there is a bed, a snake, a book, a TV, Wilfred Brimly, Diabetes Medicine, a window, Archie Bunker, a waving leaf, a tree, Timber Joey, dirt, an electric skillet, fleas, a stained glass window, tears, an ice cream cone, Cats! the Musical, Arizona, Nick Cage, a hot dog, a surfer, a goblin, an orc, a mountain, the high seas, a lemonade stand, Milhouse, little red wagon, a fluffy white dog.
No rain!
A tick!
Forest Fest ’14 are deemed our camping nemesis.
L Family thwarted due to poop explosion in car seat.

Notable Quotes:
“Don’t let the river bugs bite!”

Merlin Lake Day
7.17.2016
Lake Merwin, Washington
45.962598, -122.544166 (approx)

Team: KK, CK, AK, VK, JK, SL, ML, AL

2017

6.25.17
Ships passing in the Night
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team:  JK, VK, JS

Expedition Notes:
VK and JK find new parking lot and path
Lifeguard doggo tries to save everyone
JS arrives, does not locate rest of team.
Takes pictures where team is visible.

Baby Bay
7.8.17
Dabney State recreation area, near upper take out

Team:  JK, VK, KK, CK, AK, ML, SL, AL, GL

Expedition Notes:
Dead bird on path
Baby Bay built
L team successfully found K team
Anchored tube in river

The Sundae Float
7.16.17
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team:  JK, JS, VK

Expedition Notes:
First float of the year
The river turned to ice about an hour in
We didn’t see sun after that
Pizza and ice cream afterwards

D&D Away Game
7.21.17 – 7.23.17
Lost Lake

Team:  AP, VK, KK, CK, AK, NH, JK, JS, CD, BD, SL, ML, AL, GL

Expedition Notes:
Not much actual D&D
Late night cannabis funnies
Squirt guns attack on chippies
Stinky bathrooms
Cactus float
AL makes people pull rocks from the lake and throw them

The Van Float
8.5.17
Oxbow to Dabney

Team:  JK, VK, CK, SL, JS, CD, AP, MP, AD, DD, et al

Expedition Notes:
SL: You are all witnesses to a “great became-ing”
<porn redacted>
A trek to find crocs ends up in Troutdale
JS has the best navigation tips
Packed ten people in the van with tubes and provisions
Amazing ham and butter sandwiches from CD
SL despondent in van on ride over from bottom of float to top.
<tilts head, points to the sky> Think about it.
JK’s fan club on the shores, AKA previous employer BBQ
Float time warp – three hours becomes at least six.
Items lost to the old river gods: JK water bottle, JK sunglasses
Team performs tear down and disposal up of huge raft
CV’s shoulder is fucked
Team morale quite low at end of float

“If you and your model friends were planning on heading back out there to collect your punctured inflatable island, don’t worry about it. We ripped it open, drained the water and disposed of it already. Like you should’ve to begin with.” – JS

Fort Awsome
8.10.2018 – 8.11.2018
Tillamook National Forest, Oregon
45.53.6799, -123.539003

Team: KK, CK, AK, MK, CM, VK, JK, LM

Expedition Notes:

2023

Sand Island
9.14.2023 – 9.17.2023
Island, Columbia River, Oregon
45.5562° N, 122.2001° W

Team: VK, JK, JK, KK, CK, AK, MK, LH, NH

Expedition Notes:
Site discovered by K. family during scouting adventure
A long-awaited Falls Society camp reunion
Fast as heck doggo do a zoom on water
Devil stickers attack the party
Raccoons thieves ambush camp!
Camp coffee shop
A little man in the river
Thrillhouse arrives in a blaze of glory
A hunt, a scavenge. A scavenger hunt
Heat nearly causes a barf
Meat bee fun and games take a deadly turn
AK wants to go home
Kubb players are an embarrassment to the group, causing great shame
Camp Blood advancements made, the first counselor to come back
Sweet dreams you can’t resist
A large dead fish
Sailboats, The American Empress
A smoke on the bench
Running and sleeping is harder at 40ish
We are a laughing stock to our ancestors
Water collection under the moonlight
The wind on the bluff wails
Bottom boy hashbrown
A kingfisher when you weren’t looking

In grandmother’s attic there is: A box of honey maids, a bee, a bonnet, a kangaroo, Will from Stranger Things, a marshmallow, a tire, Story and Clara watching Matilda the musical, a kite, a pine tree, a cloud, a raccoon, a hamburger, fries, a pogo stick, a guitar, a hat, a corkscrew, a bottle of wine.

Images from The Falls Society Archives